14 Signs You're the Toxic Person in the Office

When you think of a toxic person or a workplace bully, there's always that one individual who stands out. You know, the one person whose favorite pastime is to make you look bad at every turn, micromanage you to death, or verbally abuse you for every minor infraction. Thus affecting not just your daily tasks, but also your overall job satisfaction and mental health. 

Maybe it's the office brown-noser, whose bootlicking ways make your face want to convulse into a permanent cringe. Or it’s your boss who has a special skill for tearing your confidence into shreds. 

Whoever it is, it’s someone you love to hate. 

And why shouldn't you? There are just so many things wrong with them, from their condescending nature to the way they handle conflict with yelling and veiled insults.  Sometimes even the way they laugh is enough to set you off because you know they're laughing at you and not with you. Talk about a stand-up comedian, right?

You could go on for days on the many reasons you've crowned them the office asshole. 

We all have a story to tell about that one person who makes going to work a nightmare. 

Here's mine.

Several years ago, I headed to the lunchroom for my break. I was looking forward to some downtime.  In the middle of office stress and general work shenanigans, having a one-hour break is a godsend. 

But going on break when the lunchroom is empty and I can eat with nothing but my thoughts? A dream come true! One that doesn’t happen often, but when it does I’m happy as a clam. The day had been a doozy, so I was really hoping it’d be one of those lucky times when I’d have the place to myself. 

However, to my dismay, sitting at the table with other colleagues was the villain to my otherwise peaceful office existence.  

“Ugh,” I thought to myself, “I just can’t catch a break today.” 

Normally, I would have spun around and had lunch later to avoid eating in the presence of evil. 

But I was hungry. In my eagerness to eat, I had walked in a little too fast. Spinning around and returning to my desk would've made it obvious I was avoiding someone. 

I had no choice but to paste a smile on my face, sit down, and pretend to be anywhere else as I proceeded to choke down my food. 

Oh, the sacrifices we make for a decent meal! 

I had no idea that this uncomfortable encounter was the stage for my deep dive into toxic behavior.

Just imagine, there I was eating my food with a singleness of mind that I had never displayed before. This was after I stared at the microwave as it warmed up my lunch, captivated by its workings. 

Looking at me, you’d assume I had not tasted such fine office cuisine in my life. The way I looked at the food and savored its taste…I was just trying to zone out, eat my food, and ignore the quiet chatter going on around me. 

Unfortunately, I couldn’t help but overhear bits and pieces of it.

“{Another random person in the office} is so toxic. Everyone is always complaining about her,” said the perpetual pain in my ass. 

I couldn't believe my ears. This maven of micromanagement actually thought someone else was toxic? 

Was I in the twilight zone? Being pranked? 

My brain struggled to comprehend what I was hearing. 

So, of course, I tuned in some more. Slowly, I realized she was using almost the exact same words I did when describing her and her behavior to someone else.  It was almost as if she had no idea that she, herself, was awful.

I was thrown for a loop.

That’s when it dawned on me—she didn’t know. 

She had no clue that her behavior was abusive. From her perspective, her behavior was perfectly normal. 

And if she thought her behavior was normal, it made me wonder: is it possible that what I feel is normal behavior is actually having a negative effect on someone else?  

This sent me on a journey of self-reflection and introspection. Because who wants to be thought of as the spawn of the devil?

Just think about it, almost everyone has had a run-in with a toxic boss or colleague. Now, if everyone is talking about someone else, chances are pretty high that you too have put the 'ick' in toxic at one time or the other for another person. You have once starred in someone’s story of a toxic boss/colleague/client. 

But since you're reading this post, I'm going to take a wild guess and assume that was never your intention. And the thought of being the office pariah has made you uncomfortable enough to want to find out if you need to change your management style.

Below are 14 ways to check if you're in a similar situation as my oblivious toxic boss. Because if we’re serious about fostering a healthy work environment, we need to understand the subtle signs that we’re exhibiting that make the workplace oppressive. 

1.  Everyone Else is the Problem 

When something goes wrong is it always someone else's fault?  Do you accept responsibility when you're wrong or have made a mistake?  Or do you prefer to shift focus, blame, and attention to another person? 

You might think you're fooling everyone, but the only person being fooled is you. Everyone knows who is at fault. And they're all aware of what you're trying to do by blaming someone else.

Accepting responsibility is a sign of a good leader. It also helps create an environment where people own up to their mistakes and learn from them. 

Besides, do you really believe everyone else is the problem and there is absolutely nothing wrong with you?

2.  People Tend to Avoid You

Have you ever noticed that when you arrive on the scene, the conversation fizzles off and people drift away to somewhere else they’ve gotta be? 

Or maybe one random Monday morning, you overhear everyone chatting about so-and-so's barbecue, party, or the random social gathering they all attended over the weekend but somehow forgot to invite you to.

The break room always seems to be empty whenever you go for lunch and if it was full when you arrived, it mysteriously empties 5 to 10 minutes later.

Once or twice, you could chalk it up to coincidence.  But now that you think about it, you don't have much of a relationship with anyone in the office outside of work stuff.  In fact, they only seek you out for work-related discussions. When you initiate any type of discussion, it doesn't go beyond general pleasantries.

Honestly, you doubt some of your colleagues would interact with you at all if you weren't working on a project directly with them.   

3.  They Can't Handle the Truth

You don't pull any punches.  You just tell it like it is without any sugar coating.  If someone messed up, you gotta let them know. You may have reduced a few people to tears, but worrying about other people's feelings isn't part of your job description. 

If they did their job the way they were supposed to, you wouldn't have to yell or give them harsh feedback.  Instead, they make stupid mistakes.

And you're supposed to worry about how they feel when you're rightly upset about it? 

Rather than worrying about what I'm saying, why don't they stop being incompetent? 

4.  Drama Seems to Follow You

Queen, thy name is Drama.  

Drama seems to follow you around like cheap perfume.

If there's a scandal in the office, you're sure to be in the thick of it.  If you aren't, then you know exactly who was, what happened, and how it happened.   

If you're going to be honest, you'll admit that you love the attention.  It makes you feel alive when you either know what's happening or you ARE what's happening. 

You love it when people gather around you to find out all the juicy details of what went down.  You love being in everybody's business so much, that it's almost like you're the office historian. 

You probably spend more time enmeshed in office drama than on actually doing your work.

5.  You Compliment People...Sorta

People are just so sensitive.  Honestly, you don't know what the fuss is all about.  You just told her that she looked thinner than the last time you saw her. It was a compliment on her weight loss journey. 

Why he got that look on his face when you commended his courage for wearing such a bright, feminine color, you still don't know. All you said was "I love that you don’t care how you come across. You just wear whatever you want to wear."

And you're at a loss as to why things got awkward when you told a colleague after his presentation, in front of everyone, "Wow, you really surprised. I wasn’t expecting that from you. Nice work." 

You claim your comments are misunderstood compliments, but to everyone else, they're thinly veiled insults.  

6.  Sorry:  The Other Cuss Word

The word sorry is rarely found in your vocabulary.  It's not that you don't ever have need for it.  You just don't know why you should use it.  You didn't mess up on purpose.

It could happen to anyone.

Why is everyone so hung up on this one little word anyway?  Instead of worrying about who apologized and who did not, why don't we focus on finding a solution and move on?

If you screwed up during the course of the job and people are waiting for you to apologize, they'll be waiting for a long time.  It's not personal, it's all work-related.

7.  You're Manipulative

You see yourself as the puppet master.  You enjoy controlling people and orchestrating situations to achieve your desires.  As the unofficial, behind-the-scenes director of office drama, you love setting things in motion. Then you sit back to watch everything unfold, just as you planned it. 

It makes you feel like you're in control. So you're always in the boss's ear, talking about what you've seen, heard, or just know. Of course, making sure to add something extra sauce to spice things up. 

If you have to tell a little white lie to get the job done, no problem. A little dishonesty never hurt anyone. At least it never hurt you, because you make sure nothing can be traced back to you.

It's not like you killed anyone, you just nudge people in a direction they would probably have taken themselves anyway.  

8.  You Like to Keep People on Their Toes...Permanently

Change is the only constant in life. But the way you constantly change your emotions, mind, and instructions makes you seem unstable and indecisive.

You take pride in being unpredictable. No one can guess what mood you'll be in, which way you're going to go in any situation, or what decision you'll take at any time.  

One minute you're laughing and joking with everyone, the next you're asking what everyone finds so funny.  Later, you're having a meltdown, with tears and snot flying everywhere.

In the meeting, you gave clear instructions for the project, but by the time those in attendance made it back to their desks and opened their emails, you had changed things up.  Before the end of the project, it's very likely you'll have changed your mind one, two, or seven more times.

The goalposts are constantly being moved around so no one is ever clear on where they stand in terms of their performance or what they're supposed to be doing.

You say it's the key to being nimble.  Other people call it being erratic, uncertain, and possibly emotionally unstable.

9.  You Always Know What They're Gonna Say Even Before They Say It 

Before someone finishes speaking, you jump in and say it for them. You already know what they're going to say. There's no need to wait until they get to their point.  

You're a busy professional. All the ums, ahhs, and extra stories just end up wasting your time and trying your patience. 

You don't mean to cut them off.  You just want to help them get to their point a little faster.  Certainly, no one else wants the conversation to last any longer than it should.

10.  People Keep Resigning and Leaving Your Team

A fair amount of people have left your team recently.  Are they all moving on to bigger and better opportunities? Maybe they’re resigning due to the lingering effects of the great resignation. Or it might be they’re leaving to get away from you.

According to Marcus Buckingham, "People leave managers, not companies." And several surveys support his claim.

• A survey by GoodHire of 3,000 full-time American workers revealed that 82% would potentially quit their jobs because of a bad manager.

• Visier surveyed 2,100 UK employees and found that 43% have left a job because of their manager at some point in their career. 

• FlexJobs surveyed 2,202 people between February 23, 2022, and March 7, 2022. 62% cited a toxic company culture as the number one reason for their resignation.

There are many other reasons why people leave their jobs. But those reasons would affect other departments and company competitors as well. 

If that's not the case, the reason just might be you.

11.  You're Passive-Aggressive

You're not a confrontational person.  You're not an aggressive person.  In fact, you prefer to shy away from uncomfortable/difficult conversations altogether. 

Instead, you prefer to find other ways of showing your displeasure.

Sulking is for children.  So you don't do it.  You just avoid interacting with the person or ignore their presence altogether. 

You nitpick and criticize every single. little. thing. 

If you're working on a group presentation and you were offended by something a team member said or did, it wouldn't be beneath you to call in sick on the day of the presentation, leaving everybody else in a tight spot.  

Even if the other person were able to pick up on your subtle signs that something is wrong, you'd never admit to it. That would be too direct.

You're so slick anyway, that no one will be able to catch you red-handed with any of your misbehavior.

12.  You Believe Micromanagement is a Lost Art Form

You explain, explain, and explain.

You monitor, monitor, and monitor.

You don't leave anything up to chance. 

It's your butt on the line and you have to make sure everything is done perfectly.  You're certain that if you give your team a chance to do it themselves, they'd screw it all up because no one knows what they're doing. 

Yes, they’re adults.

Yes, they’ve been doing their job for years.

Yes, they’re trained to do their work efficiently.

But that doesn’t mean they really know what they’re doing.

So, to avoid all of that drama and stress, you follow up. To death.  

There's no room for guesswork.  No room for creativity.  It's your way all the way.

13.  It's Not That You're Always Right...It's Just Seems That Way

No one is ever always right.  That's ridiculous.  It'd be silly to claim otherwise. 

You just happen to know a lot about your field.  You've worked with the organization the longest, so it's natural that you'd know more than everyone else.  When they've been here as long as you have, they'll be equally as knowledgeable.  

So, instead of letting them waste precious time trying new methods or ideas, that you're sure won't work, it's easier if everyone just does what you tell them to. You're not a know-it-all, you're being helpful.

You know what the problem is and you know what everyone else needs to do to fix it.  If they would just listen to you, everything would be a lot smoother.

14.  All Criticism is Bad 

You don't take criticism well.  Not even constructive criticism.  You have an amazing ability to transform compliments into criticism, before proceeding to get offended by it.   

As far as you're concerned you're trying your best.

And if the only way to recognize the effort you're putting into your work, is by telling you where you're getting it wrong or how to improve, then you don't need the input.  

You didn't ask for their opinion.  

Toxic Detox: A Path to Positive Change 

A study published in 2021 titled ‘How Toxic Workplace Environment Effects the Employee Engagement: The Mediating Role of Organizational Support and Employee Wellbeing’ confirmed the relationship between a toxic workplace environment and employee engagement. 

The study showed a toxic environment spreads, like a virus. Employees who work in a toxic office spread the negative feelings to others. On top of that, a toxic workplace can cause stress, burnout, depression, and anxiety among team members. Causing people to call in sick more often.

This is supported by a survey conducted by the American Psychological Association’s (APA) 2023 ‘Work in America Survey. It showed that the mental health of employees who work in toxic offices is three times more likely to be negatively affected than those who work in healthy offices.

This is not surprising if you’ve ever had the displeasure of working in such an environment. But the thing is you don't have to be a rageaholic who flings insults right and left to be a toxic boss or colleague. Sometimes, it's the little things that make the office unbearable.

Luckily, if you've recognized familiar scenarios in the toxic workplace narrative, there's hope. The habits and management styles causing this negative behavior are learned, which means you can unlearn them. 

It just takes a bit of humility, introspection, and hard work. The best part is you've already taken the first step by acknowledging the issue.

Once you’ve done that you can move on to learning behaviors that foster a healthy work environment—like mastering constructive criticism, effective delegation, and clear communication. 

But know that accountability is crucial. As you’re unlearning and learning, find a trusted ally who understands your goals, commands your respect (that is, they’re someone you can listen to), and can offer constructive guidance.

Considering the significant time spent at work, cultivating a positive atmosphere is vital. Investing effort into being a better leader and colleague benefits not only the productivity of the team but also the overall well-being of each member, including yours. 

Imagine the transformation—a workplace where everyone is happy, healthy, and positive.

Reflect on your behavior, consider the points raised, and start taking steps today. Working on ourselves benefits everyone in the long run.